THE BEAUTY OF TERMINAL ILLNESS

I met a boy, we fell hard. "Your olive skin is so alluring, Bee", he would compliment me. Our parity ultimately became our ambivalence for one another. Now I'm dying. "Bee", I recall him suggesting;" learn how to live, your disquiet will for sure be the death of you". Now I'm dying, I was cocksure that he would be eager to gloat about his faultlessness, but he didn't. He just stood there in utter disbelief. Silence was ill suiting for him. "Miss. Bee Taylor we have your results; my doctor announced grievously. "You have Systemic lupus erythematous ", ironic right. Now everything hurts and the worst part about it is knowing that there is no cure. Like other diseases, like love. "Learn how to live", I recall him saying. How do I?, Is it to late now?, Is it possible to teach myself how to live now as my body collapses' in on itself from the inside out. "Just take each day as it presents itself to you, don't take a second for granted", he spoke with such charisma, such optimism that it made me question if it was possible for the disease to be cured. I fell for him again, this time harder then before. I'm learning how to let go and just be, It feels so good to exist. Even now as my joints lock up my hair thins, and my skin lacks in its hue, I'm alive and though not as pretty, in the flesh. "You are even more beautiful now then the day I laid my eyes on you, you give me a reason to live Bee". You give me one to die. My day gets closer I can sense it, the closer the time comes the more alive I feel. What are you going to do when I'm gone? "I don't know, I don't want to think about it either", Aw come on. "I don't know Bee, I would probably think about it everyday, I'd probably Die slowly everyday inside. Just knowing that there's nothing I could do is torture". There's a beauty in it you know. "What?" Terminal illness, you taught me that. "How does it feel". What feel? "To have a soul as beautiful as yours?"  So cleverly dead and know so cleverly alive; I exclaimed dramatically. "Elektra". I'm just as strong too you know. "And stubborn". As I lay and reminisce about my love and the appreciation I have learned for life, as my organs rot away I feel more alive then ever.

Artwork accredited to Nana Johnson
Soft anatomy